Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Why Me Lord?

One of the nice pluses of having an obsessive compulsive personality is that I can play the same song over and over again and enjoy it a little more each time.
Kris Kristofferson wrote it.  The recording I have been obsessing on is by Johnny Cash.  Here are the lyrics:

Why me Lord, what have I ever done To deserve even one Of the pleasures I've known Tell me Lord, what did I ever do That was worth loving you Or the kindness you've shown.Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so Help me Jesus I know what I am Now that I know that I've need you so Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.Tell me Lord, if you think there's a way I can try to repay All I've taken from you Maybe Lord, I can show someone else What I've been through myself On my way back to you.Lord help me Jesus, I've wasted it so Help me Jesus I know what I am Now that I know that I've need you so Help me Jesus, my soul's in your hand.

I love the twist on the Why Me question.  It has been especially meaningful these past few days as I endured a bit of a relapse into depression.  It did hurt, bad.  And I am still coming out of it.  But I have been overwhelmed by the kindness shown to me by friends.  As I spent therapeutic time last post counting some of my blessings, I encountered an interesting phenomenon.  I began by writing “I thank God for …”. As I continued to write, it unconsciously became “Thank you God for …”.  I realized that by that time I was thinking of God very personally.  He was someone I was talking to, instead of someone I was talking about.   And I understood a bit more that he loves me, even when he is allowing me to experience pain.  

And as the song says, “What have I ever done to deserve even one of the pleasures I’ve known?”  

Thank you Lord, for friends.  
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