Transparent

Words can suddenly take on a cart load of new meaning.  Transparent is one of those words.   I remember calling things like glass transparent.  Then one year, transparent was a property that I was supposed to have if I were to excel at being a nice guy.  This seemed odd to me because, most of my life, if someone said they could see right through me, it was not a compliment.  My handy on-line dictionary says that transparent can also mean free from pretense or deceit.  If someone can see right through me and finds pretense and deceit, then it is a bad thing.  If they can see that I am free of pretense and deceit, I am transparent, which is good.

This leaves me with a conundrum.  I can be open and honest, but then folks will find out that I am indeed pretentious and deceitful.  Or I can try to cover up that part of myself at the expense of my transparency. I could deceitfully claim to be transparent, but I am afraid that folks would see right through me.

This all begins to be pretty silly.  That is generally what happens if I think too much about how others see me (or see through me).  If I make an effort to be transparent, I invariably fall into pretension and deceit.

More and more I find that actually caring about someone else is the only escape.  I can listen to what they have to say. I can do things for them. I can give things to them.    However, somewhere along the line there comes an important part where I talk about how I am doing.  If I only listen, the other person will soon tire of talking and wonder what the heck I am thinking.  If I only give and never take, others would have no opportunity to show that they care about me.  Love involves giving and receiving.  

God is love.  I want to be more like God.  Jesus is the only human that is also God.  So I want to be more like Jesus.  I ask God to help me be like him.  Am I being clear?