It seems easy enough to realize that I would rather be loved than be famous. My stained soul and my culture try to convince me that it would be best to be loved, and also famous. When I poke about in my motivations, I find that I am more eager to be known by others than I am to know them. I cannot love others unless I am willing and able to know them. I cannot love those whom I do not know. The greatest commandments are to love God and to love my neighbor as myself. Why then this urge to be known by others? In some of my foolish fantasies, those others will love me because they know me. The truth is that those who love me most are those who know me but are willing to overlook much that they know. God knows the most and forgives the most. My wife, family, and friends have also been able to know me, and yet still love me. It makes no sense to say that I could be loved by millions that hardly know me and are unknown to me. Were it even possible, what comfort would there be in that?
I live in a milleu where it seems almost impossible to avoid knowing celebrities. I am uncertain whether recognizing them as such is harmful to them. It is most certainly harmful to me, if I begin to envy their celebrity.
The picture above is Ann Nicole Smith. I actually had to search some to get the name right. I took a big chance on searching out the image, but my browser's moderate safe search filtered out the some of the most exploitive photos of her and stll left a quarter million for me to choose from.
Until she died, I knew little of her. I am ashamed to say that what I did know fed my pride. In my heart of hearts I sneered at what I believed to be her use of youth and physical charms to gain the love of a wealthy old man. Pictures of those charms and hints that her motives were evil were enough to feed both my pride and my lust. How very sad for her. How very evil of me.
I really did not want to know her. I wanted to have someone to look down on.
God has forgiven me this sin. It is sin, nonetheless.
God loved Ann Nicole, just as he loves me. I hope she knew God and loved him. Only God knows. At times it seems that only God truly cares. I pray that I too would learn to care.